Becoming a parent is a wonderful adventure, and new parents have their hands full with learning how to parent. As emotional and stressful as it is to think about who will take care of their children in the event of their untimely deaths, parents should have a plan in place. In this episode of “Simply Money,” Mark Reckman outlines basic things that parents should know and should think about when going about the process of nominating a guardian for their children.
Episode Transcription
Amy Wagner
You’re listening to Simply Money, presented by All Worth Financial. I’m Amy Wagner, along with Steve Ruby. This is a part of the estate planning process that nobody likes to think about, but parents, if you have kiddos under the age of 18, it is critical. What happens to your children? Where do they go? Who’s taking care of them if you and your spouse are no longer here to take care of them? Joining us tonight with years, decades of experience, helping families make these critical decisions is our estate planning expert, Mark Reckman, from the Law Farm of Wood and Lamping. I don’t think, Mark, I can overstate how emotional of a decision this is. I mean, it’s one thing to be talking about, dividing up your assets. It’s another thing to talk about what happens to your kids.
Mark Reckman
Well, for many, many folks, they don’t think about it at all. They can’t, for that very reason.
Amy Wagner
Yeah, it seems overwhelming. And I remember when my kids were born, having this conversation, and it wasn’t an easy one. My husband and I weren’t always on the same page. There were certain people who thought they should be chosen, and for certain reasons, they didn’t seem like the perfect fit for us. So, there’s a lot that goes into making this decision.
Mark Reckman
And it’s individualized for each family and each child. You have to assess the needs of the child as well as the attributes of the persons you’re considering to name.
Amy Wagner
So, what do you say? How do you — what do you think through in order to make sure that you’re coming up with the best decision for your family?
Mark Reckman
I think the starting point is parenting skills. You have to evaluate whether or not the person you’re appointing or that you’re nominating has the kind of parenting skills that fit your family. Recognize that your children, they’ll be traumatized by your deaths. It’s a big, big deal to them. Their guardians are going to have to be patient, they’re going to need compassion, and they’re going to have to deal with the grief and the process by which your kids will evolve after you’re gone.
Amy Wagner
You know, it’s funny when we first made this decision for our children when they were younger, we chose a family member that doesn’t live close by, that didn’t have kids yet. And it just made sense at the time, someone who definitely loved our children a lot. But as this family had their own children, we realized the parenting styles were incredibly different, and it wouldn’t have ultimately been the best fit. So, I think this is something that you cannot set it and forget it, right? This is something, parents, if you figured this out a few years ago, you need to revisit this from time to time.
Mark Reckman
And I would add to that, Amy, try not to think about this as the one time you get to make this decision. Many of my clients get overwhelmed at the notion that they’re picking someone that’s going to be the guardian for the next 18 years, and they get frozen by the challenge. Think about this in terms of where your children are now. What kind of guardianship environment would be best for them based on their age and their abilities today? And then you can reevaluate it later. And by the way, the probate courts in this area, they’re going to take the interests of the children into consideration if the children are older. So, if, for example, you’ve died and your surviving children are 15, 16, 17 years old, the probate court is going to listen to that child’s preferences, and they will override the nomination in a guardianship nomination when appropriate.
Amy Wagner
That makes a lot of sense. You talk about parenting skills as being part of it. I mentioned, though, that we’d also chosen someone who didn’t even live in the same state. It was okay when my kids were toddlers to make that decision, but once they’re enrolled in schools and sports and clubs and have friends, that becomes a very different kind of situation. You mentioned they’re already reeling from the loss of their parents, and now it may not make so much sense, even if it’s someone who loves them very much, to completely uproot them.
Mark Reckman
Well, this just reinforces the point you made earlier, which is that this decision isn’t — you can’t just make this decision and leave it alone and walk away. You have to revisit it. Your kids are going to be different when they’re 12 and 14 than they are when they’re two. Once they’re in school and involved in these activities that you mentioned, the stability of staying in school and staying with their friends and their activities may be important to their mental health, in which case moving them across the state or across the country to a different guardianship, to a different set of parents, may not be in their best interest. So, think about where the guardian lives based on the age of the children. As you said, the older the children get the more the location matters.
Amy Wagner
What other considerations, Mark, would you say? Because it is, it’s such an overwhelming emotional decision. When you’re counseling families on how to make this, what else do you bring up as a consideration here?
Mark Reckman
I think religion, politics, and moral beliefs are a part of this. I think that you pick someone who is compatible with your religion and your politics or at least will be supportive of your child’s own differences. If your child has a different set of politics or religion, the guardian needs to be able to respect that. The guardian’s age makes a difference. Many people, if they don’t have siblings nearby, they will default to their own parents. That’s fine if your parents are 50 or 60. It may not be such a good idea if they’re 75 or 80. So, think about the age of the parents. Think about the age of your children. Think about the living arrangements as well. The guardian needs to live in a place, in a house, in a neighborhood, in a school district that fits for your children. Is the house big enough? Are there other children living in the house? Those things are helpful for your child to adjust. And one of the big ones I think about a lot, Amy, is that taking care of your children is going to be a significant financial burden to whoever you name. It’s just not okay to say, “Take care of my kids,” and “Oh, by the way, you have to pay for it.” That’s just not okay. You’ve got to make some arrangement, either through life insurance or retirement accounts or a trust. You’ve got to make some arrangement to cover the cost of rearing your children. Unless your guardian, of course, has significant financial resources of their own. But even then, it’s not fair to ask your guardian to pay for your kids’ education or their cost of living.
Amy Wagner
And this is a conversation too, right, Mark? You can’t choose someone and just put it in a document, and then something happens to you, and surprise, you’re taking care of our children. That conversation needs to happen with the caregiver. And I would say if the children are older, don’t make it a scary conversation, but it might be good to get their input as well.
Mark Reckman
I think that’s an excellent point. Certainly, your child is going to be much more adjusted or much more comfortable with these events if they, number one, had a chance to get some input, and, number two, they’re fully informed.
Amy Wagner
And know what to expect.
Mark Reckman
Yeah, exactly. And, Amy, there is one more point before we wrap up, and that is that many times, people will say to me they want to name a couple, a married couple as guardian. That’s really not the way the guardianship system works. You name an individual, not a couple. And what I suggest to people is that it’s always a good idea to have a backup so that in your will, you may say, “I nominate my sister to be the guardian, and if she’s not available, then I nominate my brother.” So that you have somebody on the bench. And by the way, you don’t have to do a guardianship nomination in a will. There is a process in both Kentucky and Ohio in which you can do a guardianship nomination as a standalone document. Most people, however, put them in their wills, but if you’ve got a will and you don’t want to change your will, but you want to change the guardianship nomination, you can do that by a separate document all by itself without redoing your whole will.
Amy Wagner
Great insights as always from Mark Reckman, our estate planning expert from the law firm of Wood and Lamping. You’re listening to Simply Money here on 55 KRC, the Talk Station.
